How to Talk to Your Parents about the Transition to a Residential Care Facility

Aging can be a difficult reality for many people to face, including our parents. That’s why it’s important to understand how to talk to them about care and living options as they get older.

While it might be a difficult conversation to have, different approaches can help your parent understand the process of transitioning to a residential care facility for the elderly (RCFE). If you’re having trouble talking to your parents about this big life change, here are some things that can help ease the process.

Start Talking About Residential Care Early

It's never too early to start talking with your aging parents or loved ones about transitioning to long-term care. Unfortunately, recent studies on the average age of people entering long-term care found the mean age of seniors finding long-term living arrangements wasn't until 84 years old.

The study found that by the time seniors had found a suitable living arrangement, many had already experienced:

Months of severe disability
Escalating help at home
Typically help from unpaid caregivers like family

While waiting longer to start discussions can seem like the right choice, it only hinders your parent's ability to have a choice in their care. Starting early allows them to have an active role in choosing what kind of facility they want to live in, take tours of different facilities in person, and may even help prevent accidents that would have arisen if they were left alone without care.

Understand Their Concerns and Break Down Myths

When discussing aging-in-place options, it's important to never minimize your loved one's concerns and always try to break down barriers to care. One of the biggest barriers your parent may have are about the myths surrounding assisted living and other facilities.

For instance, your loved one may have heard that people have shortened life spans once entering long-term care facilities. While this is true at face value, studies on the Trends in Life Expectancy in Residential Long-Term Care found that lifespans are shortened largely because seniors are now waiting longer to get the care they need and are only entering facilities when their health has already significantly declined.

By starting discussions early, you can help your loved one debunk these myths and understand that assisted living facilities can enhance their quality of life. Ask questions and truly listen to what your loved one's concerns are. You don't want to listen to a question simply to provide a rebuttal. Rather, you can take this opportunity to problem-solve and ease your parent's concerns.

Questions that may help include:

What are your main concerns and fears about moving into an assisted living facility?
What are you having most trouble with at home alone? How do you think an assisted living facility or RCFE would help with this?
Are there any assisted living facilities or RCFEs that you've seen and liked? If so, what about them did you like?
Do any of your friends enjoy long-term care?

These questions can get the conversation going and prioritize your loved one's concerns, while still remaining supportive and non-judgemental.

Start Exploring Options With Excitement

You might notice that after your loved one opens up to the idea of assisted living, they become more curious about the options available. This is your chance to start exploring different facilities and help them find one that fits their needs and preferences.

Don't just look for any facility - involve your loved one in the search process and make it clear that their preferences matter. Look for facilities that offer activities or amenities that your loved one enjoys, such as outdoor spaces, social events, or specific types of dining options. This will not only help ease their fear of losing independence but also provide a sense of excitement about the possibilities ahead.

Some of the many different types of facilities include:

Home-based Residential Care Facilities for the Elderly: Home-based RCFEs combine the support and comfort of a smaller home, with usually less than 15 beds per home, with the high-quality care of a larger assisted living home. Like an assisted living facility, home-based RCFEs provide meals, assistance with activities of daily living, social activities, and other amenities. However, home-based RCFEs offer a more intimate and personalized environment for your loved one. Caregivers often base social activities and even meals around residents' preferences.
Assisted Living Facilities: Assisted living facilities are a popular option for seniors who need assistance with daily tasks but still want to maintain some level of independence. They also provide social activities and amenities like housekeeping, transportation, and meals.
Senior Apartments: For seniors who want to keep most of their independence, senior apartments are a great option. These communities also usually have amenities like fitness centers, social activities, and transportation services nearby. They give your loved one the opportunity to continue to socialize with others in their community but without the need for additional care and assistance.
Nursing Homes: Nursing homes provide 24-hour medical care and supervision for people who are unable to live independently or require intensive medical support. These facilities have nursing and medical staff on hand to help your loved one with medical emergencies, medication administration, feeding, and more.

All of these options have their own benefits and downsides depending on what your parent wants. Don't be afraid to look at more than just one option. Consider how close facilities are to you, their cost, their reputation, and most importantly, the care they provide.

Start Solidifying Plans When They're Ready

Your loved one's emotional comfort matters more than anything else. Never pressure your parent to move into a new facility or home without their consent and full understanding. If it makes it easier, consider collaborating with their primary care provider, counselors, financial advisors, and other professionals who can help you make the best decision for your loved one. It may take time and patience, but ultimately, following all of these tips is worth it to give your parent the golden years they deserve.

About the Author

Mark Gladden is a U.S. Veteran and the Founder and CEO of Present Moments Senior Living. Present Moments is a cozy, home-based residential care facility for the elderly with a tight-knit family of caregivers and residents. If you’re in the process of exploring long-term care for your aging loved one in San Diego, you can reach Present Moments Senior Living today at (442) 232-2824.